Use this tool when: You’re frustrated, angry, afraid, discouraged, or overwhelmed—and you’re having a hard time figuring out what something means or what to do next.
The Idea
Maybe sometime in school, driver’s education, or at a safety demonstration, you put on a pair of goggles designed to simulate being impaired.
You put them on and suddenly everything looked different.
The floor seemed off. Reaching for something became harder. Walking a straight line wasn’t so simple.
But the room never changed.
The floor didn’t move. The chair was still where it had always been. The doorway didn’t suddenly shift.
What changed was what you were looking through.
Life can do something similar.
A problem shows up. Someone says something that hits us wrong. Something we’ve worked hard for falls apart.
Anger rises. Fear takes over. Frustration builds.
And before we realize it, the problem puts its glasses on us.
The Problem Has Glasses
Frustration glasses.
Anger glasses.
Fear glasses.
Exhaustion glasses.
Discouragement glasses.
Once they’re on, they begin affecting what we see.
Frustration says:
This isn’t going to work.
Anger says:
They did that on purpose.
Fear says:
Something bad is going to happen.
Discouragement says:
What’s the point?
Exhaustion says:
I can’t do this anymore.
Here’s what makes these glasses tricky:
What you’re seeing may be real. You just may not be seeing everything that’s real.
Anger may correctly show you that a line was crossed.
Fear may show you something that deserves caution.
Frustration may tell you that what you’ve been trying isn’t working.
The glasses aren’t necessarily lying to you.
They’re narrowing your view.
The Glasses Change What You See
The glasses you’re wearing can affect two important things.
What Something Means
Someone doesn’t return your phone call.
One pair of glasses says:
They’re probably busy.
Another says:
They’re avoiding me.
Another says:
I must have done something wrong.
Same unanswered call.
Different glasses.
Our history, expectations, fears, assumptions, and current state can all influence the meaning we give to what’s happening.
What Options You Can See
Think about the last time you became really frustrated trying to solve a problem.
The harder you pushed, the more frustrated you became.
Pretty soon:
I’ve tried everything.
Nothing is going to work.
There aren’t any other options.
Maybe.
But maybe you simply can’t see the other options through the glasses you’re wearing.
Sometimes the first thing you need to change isn’t the problem.
It’s your state.
Don’t Solve the Problem Through the Glasses
If you’re angry, afraid, frustrated, or overwhelmed, you don’t always have to solve the problem right then.
Step back.
Take a breath.
Walk outside.
Sit somewhere quiet.
Pray.
Talk with somebody steady.
Sleep on it when you can.
Do whatever helps you get steady enough to look at the situation again.
That’s not avoiding the problem.
You’re taking off the glasses the problem handed you.
Then ask:
What can I see now that I couldn’t see before?
Maybe another option appears.
Another explanation.
Another person you could call.
Another way to approach it.
Or maybe you look again and decide:
No. This really is a serious problem.
That’s useful too.
The point isn’t to trade dark glasses for rose-colored ones or pretend everything is okay.
The goal is to see as clearly as you can.
Try the Lens Check
When you notice yourself getting pulled into a problem, ask three questions:
1. What glasses am I wearing?
Frustration? Anger? Fear? Exhaustion? Rejection? Failure? Something from my past?
2. What are these glasses helping me see?
Don’t automatically dismiss what you’re feeling.
There may be something important there.
3. What might these glasses be keeping me from seeing?
Another explanation?
Another option?
Something I don’t know yet?
Something the other person is trying to tell me?
A path forward I can’t see from this state?
Then:
Step back. Get steady. Look again.
The Other Person Is Wearing Glasses Too
There’s another part of this tool that’s easy to forget:
You’re not the only person wearing glasses.
The person across from you has a history too.
They have fears, expectations, old hurts, assumptions, stress—and a current state that affects what they’re seeing.
Imagine a husband and wife standing in their kitchen.
She asks him about something he was supposed to take care of.
He’s already had a rough day and feels like nothing he’s done lately has been good enough.
He hears her question through criticism glasses:
Nothing I do is ever good enough for you.
So he snaps back.
She hears his response through rejection glasses:
He doesn’t care what I think. I can’t even talk to him.
So she gets sharper.
That becomes evidence for his glasses:
See? She’s always criticizing me.
And his reaction becomes evidence for hers:
See? He doesn’t care.
Pretty soon, two people standing in the same kitchen aren’t just responding to what the other person said.
They’re responding to what their glasses are telling them the other person meant.
That’s how small conversations can become big fights.
When another person is involved, add one more question:
What glasses might they be wearing?
That doesn’t mean they’re right.
It doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
And it doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior.
It means trying to understand what the situation might look like from where they’re standing.
Sometimes that alone changes the conversation.
Put It Into Practice
When the problem starts taking over your field of view:
NOTICE
What glasses am I wearing?
STEP BACK
Do I really need to solve this from where I am right now?
GET STEADY
Change your state enough to think more clearly.
LOOK AGAIN
What can I see now that I couldn’t see before?
FIND YOUR OPTIONS
What choices, explanations, resources, or paths forward can I see now?
And when another person is involved:
CHECK THEIR GLASSES TOO
What might this look like from where they’re standing?
Take This With You
Remember those impairment goggles.
The room didn’t move.
The glasses changed what you could see.
So the next time anger, fear, frustration, or overwhelm starts telling you exactly what something means—or convincing you there are no other options:
Check the glasses you’re wearing.
Step back.
Get steady.
Look again.
Don’t let the problem choose your glasses.
When the Glasses Get Too Dark
Sometimes the glasses become so dark that a person genuinely cannot see a way forward.
If you’re struggling to stay safe or feel like what you’re carrying is no longer a load to carry alone, call or text 988. If there’s immediate danger, call 911 or go to the ER.
Sometimes seeing clearly starts by bringing someone else alongside you.
Possible Other Thinking Tools
If this tool helped, you may also want to explore:
Carry It Differently — When the load hasn’t changed, but the old way of carrying it isn’t working.
The Slow Drift — When you’ve started drifting away from what matters and need to make a correction.