Use this tool when: The fight has gotten loud and you’re starting to forget what matters most.
Sometimes the fight makes us forget what we’re fighting for.
You can become so focused on getting through the next problem that eventually the problem becomes all you can see.
The next bill.
The next crisis.
The next person who needs you.
The next mistake to fix.
The next fence to mend.
The next day to get through.
And somewhere in the middle of all that fighting, something can happen.
You lose sight of yourself.
Not because you’ve stopped caring.
Not because you aren’t strong enough.
You’ve simply been staring at the fight for so long that you’ve forgotten what was behind you when you stepped into it.
That’s when you need to step back.
Not forever.
Maybe only for a moment.
Long enough to remember:
Who am I?
What actually matters to me?
What am I fighting for?
Then begin again.
The Fight Can Become Your Whole Field of Vision
Hard times have a way of shrinking our world.
A failure starts feeling like an identity.
A mistake becomes who I am.
A financial problem becomes the only thing I can think about.
A difficult season convinces me that life will always feel this way.
Someone else’s judgment starts carrying more weight than everything I once knew about myself.
We become so buried in what’s happening that we begin confusing:
what we’re going through
with
who we are.
They aren’t the same thing.
What is happening matters. There may be consequences to face, losses to grieve, problems to solve, apologies to make, or difficult decisions ahead.
Remembering who you are isn’t pretending those things aren’t real.
It’s refusing to let one chapter write the entire story.
Remember Who You Are
There are moments when resilience isn’t about pushing harder.
Sometimes you need to step far enough away from the fight to regain your bearings.
Remember what you believe.
Remember the people you love.
Remember the promises you’ve made.
Remember what you’ve already carried.
Remember the kind of person you’re trying to be.
And especially:
Remember what all this effort was supposed to protect in the first place.
Maybe it’s your family.
Your marriage.
Your kids.
The farm or ranch generations of your family have poured themselves into.
The people who depend on you.
The work you believe matters.
A life you still want to live.
A promise you made.
Something bigger than yourself.
Your answer will be your own.
But knowing what you’re fighting for changes the way you face the fight.
The Rhino Has Been My Anchor
For me, one of those reminders has been the rhino.
The rhino became more than an animal or a logo. Over the years, it became an anchor—something I could return to when life got difficult.
For me, the rhino became a reminder to step back from the noise and remember what is important.
To remember who I am.
To remember what matters.
To regain my footing.
And then to begin again.
That’s part of why the name Rhino Resilience means so much to me.
But here’s the important part:
Your anchor doesn’t have to be a rhino.
In fact, I don’t want you to borrow mine.
I want you to find yours.
Find Your Anchor
Choose something that can bring you back to yourself when life gets loud.
It might be an image, a phrase, an object, a photograph, a place, a person, a memory, a family name, a piece of jewelry, a verse, a ranch brand, something someone you loved once told you, or a symbol that carries meaning only you completely understand.
The object itself isn’t what gives it power.
What it calls you back to is what matters.
Your anchor should remind you:
This is who I am.
Who are you beneath the circumstances you’re facing?
What qualities, commitments, beliefs, relationships, and experiences are part of you that this moment cannot erase?
This is what matters.
When all the noise is stripped away, what matters enough that you don’t want to lose sight of it?
This is what I’m fighting for.
What makes getting back up worth it?
Who or what are you trying to protect, preserve, build, become, or return to?
Now finish this sentence:
When I see __________, I want to remember that I am __________. What matters most to me is __________. That’s why I’m willing to keep going.
Don’t worry about making it sound impressive.
Make it true enough to hold onto on a bad day.
Then put your anchor somewhere you will encounter it.
Because someday, when the fight gets loud enough, you may need it to call you back.
Sometimes Someone Else Has to Remember for Us
There is another side to this tool.
Sometimes you’re not the person who’s lost sight of who they are.
Someone you love has.
You can see them getting buried beneath the struggle.
Maybe they’re overwhelmed.
Maybe they’ve failed.
Maybe they’re grieving.
Maybe they’ve made decisions they deeply regret.
Maybe they’re fighting something that has consumed so much of their attention that they can no longer see the person you still see.
That isn’t necessarily the moment to tell them:
“You need to be stronger.”
Or:
“This isn’t who you are.”
Sometimes what they need is another human being willing to stand beside them and say:
“I know you can’t see it right now, but I remember who you are.”
And then remind them.
Remind them of the way they’ve loved their children.
The times they’ve shown up.
The things they’ve survived.
The people they’ve helped.
The values you’ve watched them live.
The person you’ve known underneath this difficult season.
And remind them what they’re fighting for.
Not to pressure them.
Not to shame them.
Not to tell them who they’re supposed to be.
But to help them find the ground beneath their feet again.
Sometimes we need someone else to remember who we are until we can remember it for ourselves.
Step Back. Remember. Reground. Begin Again.
When the fight becomes everything you can see:
Step Back.
Get enough distance to see beyond the immediate problem.
Remember.
Who are you? What matters? What are you fighting for?
Reground.
Return to your anchor. Return to the things that remain true even when circumstances are telling you something different.
Begin Again.
Not because everything has been fixed.
Not because the pain disappeared.
Not because you suddenly know exactly what comes next.
Begin again because you’ve remembered the ground you’re standing on.
If You’re Struggling to Stay Safe
Sometimes the fight becomes more than we can carry alone.
If you’re thinking about suicide, harming yourself, or you’re worried you may not be able to stay safe, please don’t rely on this Thinking Tool alone.
Reach out to someone who can be with you and help you through this moment. In the United States, call or text 988 to connect with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If there is immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
Remembering what matters can help us find our way back—but sometimes finding our way back requires another person walking beside us.
Carry This With You
There will probably be times when you forget.
That’s part of being human.
The fight gets loud.
Life gets messy.
Our vision narrows.
And that’s why we need anchors.
Something capable of calling us back.
For me, that’s the rhino.
What’s yours?
Find it.
Give it meaning.
Keep it close.
And when life knocks you off course:
Remember who you are.
Remember what matters.
Remember what you’re fighting for.
Then—
Begin again.
Dig Deeper
Remember Who You Are
Sometimes we need more than a reminder on a page. In this episode of The Rhino Resilience Podcast, I go deeper into what it means to remember who you are when life gets difficult—and why reconnecting with who you are and what you’re fighting for can help you find your footing again.
Possible Other Thinking Tools
If this tool helped, these may be useful next:
Purpose Is Your GPS
When life feels foggy and you don’t know which direction to go, reconnect with your purpose and let it help guide your next move.
Bring Backup
When the load has become too much to carry alone, recognize when it’s time to bring someone else into the fight.
Carry It Differently
When the load hasn’t changed but the way you’ve been carrying it isn’t working anymore, step back and look for another way.
The Glasses You’re Wearing
When your current emotional state is changing the way you see yourself, other people, or the situation in front of you, learn to recognize the lens you’re looking through.